I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
