I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
