Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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