my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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