I accidentally had phone sex last night
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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