You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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