he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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