the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
