what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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