Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
