i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
