wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
