so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
