any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
