Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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