Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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