we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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