Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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