sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
