But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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