I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
