Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
