I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
