i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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