The maid of honor just puked.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
