I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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