I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
