is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
