We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
