I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize