I should be sponsored by Trojan
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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