yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize