Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm bleeding and have questions
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
