fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
