I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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