I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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