I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
