I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
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No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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