this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
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I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize