Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
