dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I love you.
Bad choice
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