I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
