Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize