Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
