guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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