so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
