Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I could have mohawked her pubes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
