Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I didn't notice because vodka
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
