K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
