I feel like abortions should bother me more
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
