you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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