It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
