Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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