I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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