Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
