The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
