last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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