My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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