Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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