fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
