There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
