Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
