doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
