he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
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You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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