you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
