How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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