Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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