I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
