I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
