You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
