Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
