At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
only you would photoshop your dick
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
